No Plan Dan: Time for a Barbie?

Just in time for the summer holidays, No Plan Dan shows just what can happen when a barbeque goes terribly wrong.

Play it safe this summer, and always check if a Total Fire Ban is in force. Read about Total Fire Bans on the NSW Rural Fire Service website.

Back to No Plan Dan...

It was a warm summer day and No Plan Dan heard a knock on the door. He thought it was strange, as he wasn’t expecting any visitors. Maybe it was Prepared Pete (No Plan Dan’s neighbour) coming to borrow the whipper snipper again. Prepared Pete was always going on about how important it was to keep the lawn short and garden tidy in case of bush fires.

No Plan Dan considered doing some work around the backyard. Next week would be the week!

At the door were two members of the local NSW Rural Fire Service brigade. They were wearing their yellow overalls and greeted him with smiles. He opened up his front door and stepped out onto the porch. One was a young member, an enthusiastic young woman with a friendly face and a clip board. The more senior member had wiry grey hair and a moustache that looked like the bristles of a toothbrush. The younger brigade member spoke first.

“Hello! My name is Sangita and this is Rick. We're members of the Carter Rural Fire Brigade – from around the corner. We’re doing a street walk today to check in on some of the residents around here to see how prepared everyone is for fire season. Do you have any questions for us?”

“Oh,” said No Plan Dan. “No, I’m pretty right thanks love. I’m Dan.”

Rick asked, “Did you know that there is a Total Fire Ban today?”

“Umm, no. Thanks for letting me know.” Dan felt a bit embarrassed. “I’m just about to put the barbie on actually.”

“Have you got a gas or electric barbeque?” Rick inquired. “In a Total Fire Ban you can only use a gas or electric barbeque, and then only if it’s within 20 metres of the house and the ground within 2 metres of the barbeque is cleared of all materials that could burn. You’ll also need a continuous supply of water nearby.”

“Don’t worry – I’m all sorted. She’s a Fire Maker 2000, she’s gas and is a beauty. I have my hose, which I’ve repaired, so I’m all good.”

“Thanks for your time, Dan,” said Sangita. “Feel free to drop around to the shed or Fire Control Centre if you ever have any questions. We're taking bookings today for a free property assessment, which will tell you what you need to do to prepare your property for bush fire – if you’d like to book in now?” Sangita tapped her clipboard with her pen.

“No, I’m right thanks love. Pete’s been at me for a few months and has offered to come and help me, especially down the back near the fence and trees.”

“All right then. I’m sure we’ll see you around on our next street walk anyway. Thanks for your time,” said Sangita.

“Yep, will do. Thanks fellas. Have a good day.” No Plan Dan waved the two brigade members off.

No Plan Dan’s tummy rumbled. It was definitely barbie time. “C’mon Woofy! Time to get those snags and chops on.”

No Plan Dan walked out to the kitchen, opened the fridge and pulled out the meat for the barbie. Snags and chops – the food of champions! He grabbed the tongs and tucked them into his belt, then juggled a tray with the oil, meat, a plate and a tea towel.

As No Plan Dan stepped out into the backyard he thought about what Sangita and Rick, the brigade members, had said. His barbeque was definitely within 20 metres of the house – check. He was the responsible adult to watch the barbie at all times – check. Plus there was running water and a hose nearby – check. The air was pretty dry and hot. The wind had picked up.

No Plan Dan opened up the lid, fired up the gas and dribbled a little bit of oil on the barbeque plate. It wasn’t long before the oil sizzled and spat. He gently placed the meat down on the hot plate.

He placed the tea towel on his shoulder, just the way those fancy chefs do on TV cooking shows. For a moment No Plan Dan considered what it would be like to be on one of those shows.

As he was daydreaming of fancy marinades and presenting his culinary masterpieces to TV judges, a waft of smoke snapped him out of it. WHOOSH went flames. The tea towel had slipped from his shoulder and knocked the bottle of oil onto the grill.

No Plan Dan jumped back with a gasp. “Blimey! Nearly took my eyebrows off.”

Woofy started to bark and ran around in circles.

“Everything okay over there No Plan Dan?” came a voice from over the fence. Prepared Pete had been in the backyard next door. He had heard the noise.

“Yeah mate. Everything’s under control!”

Luckily No Plan Dan could get his hand to the gas bottle to turn it off. He caught one end of the tea towel and flung it off the barbie. The tea towel shot through the air like a comet. He was aiming for the open bin next to the house. Instead, the flaming towel landed right at the base of the wood pile next to the house with a SWIIIISSHHHHH.

“Aaaargh!” exclaimed No Plan Dan. “Woofy! Get the hose!” Woofy tore off towards the tap.

The wood pile quickly caught fire. The flames licked up through the pile – setting fire to the twigs and leaves that had caught around the base of the pile. The flames raced across the dry, fibrous bark of the logs.

No Plan Dan reached the hose and turned on the tap, turning the water on full belt. The weathered old hose exploded with a huge SWOOOOOOSH and an explosion of water. The old hose wasn’t a match for the sudden pressure. The hose shot off the tap and the end with the plastic connector flew under the house.

“Aaaaaaaaaargh!” screamed No Plan Dan.

Woofy raced under the house chasing after the end of the hose. No Plan Dan looked back at the wood pile as the flames began to run across the grass towards the fence and then back towards the house. The hot wind today was not helping.

This was bad. If the fire near the fence made it to the nature strip, it could mean a bush fire. If the fire near the wood pile hit the house... he didn’t want to think about it. No Plan Dan was in big trouble. Sweat was dripping off his brow. His heart was thumping.

All of a sudden a huge jet of water lobbed over the fence. Prepared Pete was perched on a small ladder leaning up against the other side of the fence. He doused the grass fire running along their common fence. He quickly disappeared inside the house before rushing out to the fence again.

“Grab this!” Prepared Pete shouted, as he passed a fire extinguisher over the fence – the correct extinguisher for a small fat fire. “Use that on the barbie. Pull the pin, aim at the base of the fire, squeeze the handle, and sweep it from side to side. I’ll work on the wood pile and the fence. Watch yourself.”

Thank heavens for Prepared Pete. He was pretty prepared, wasn’t he? As No Plan Dan set to work on putting out the barbie he could see Prepared Pete spraying the wood pile and getting the grass under control.

Woofy was having a great time. He’d lost interest in the hose and was now leaping through the air biting at the drops of water spraying from Prepared Pete’s hose. What fun!

Finally it was all out – the barbie, the grass, the wood pile. A pang of guilt hit No Plan Dan. Why didn’t he get a new hose? Why hadn’t he moved the wood pile? Stupid TV cooking show daydream.

“That was a close one,” said Prepared Pete. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, mate. Just a bit embarrassed. Thank you.” No Plan Dan could feel his face turning red.

This could have been really bad. Maybe he should drop by the brigade shed one weekend and take them up on that property assessment.

“Hey Pete!” yelled No Plan Dan.

“Yes?”

“D’ya wanna sausage?” Dan held up the charred, and now foamy, remains of his lunch with the tongs.

“C’mon over Dan. I’ve got some leftovers,” replied Prepared Pete.

Information on Total Fire Bans is found on the NSW Rural Fire Service website at www.rfs.nsw.gov.au or you can call the Bush Fire Information Line on 1800 679 737 (1800 NSW RFS).

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